Snorts in the Night
by SeductiveSlytherin
Summary: SSRL Snape is teased mercilessly by his mate for a rather undesirable bed habit. Revenge can just as easily be served hot.This summary is pants but the story isn't so...


Snorts in the Night

Disclaimer: Greetings all! I am but a humble geeky teen from Great Britannia but I (grudgingly) admit to owning nothing. Once again I have been foiled by J.K Rowling (and that pesky dog as the quote goes...Scooby Doo anyone?) So anyhoo...Enjoy!

Authors Note: I realise I'm throwing you straight into this fic with no explanations or background...sorry, sorry, sorry but it will all come out later...thought I'd just let you straight into this fic as it formed in my mind on holiday in Paris (and I spoke lotsa lovely francais..WoOt!!)

Remus stretched out under the warm, rumpled grey sheets and let out a long sigh of lazy contentment. Groping under the low bed he felt for the much-battered strap of his watch and flipped the scratched face into his palm. Half past eight. Shit, they were late for breakfast- again.

"Severus?" He shook the rumpled lump of grey sheets huddled next to him. A mumble and the sheets were hitched higher, mostly covering the strands of black hair facing him.

"We're late for breakfast...again. Feel like moving anytime today?" Another groan of sleepy frustration. "Severus! Get- up!" Remus punctuated each word with a sharp poke at Snapes prominent ribs and was met with a comment that seemed to rhyme with 'clucking bell' and much dark mutterings as he finally began to stir.

"Lazt git." Lupin muttered as he heaved himself out of bed and went off in search of his scattered clothing.

After a long period of bitterness and bickering the two had finally made up last night...Severus was **very** good at making up, Lupin decided smiling sleepily as he bent to tug on his underwear from the leather couch. He stretched and let out a jaw cracking yawn, heard an answering one and a creaking of the bedsprings that had howled and squealed horribly last night. Not that either party had minded. Well maybe Amelia Vector, his nearest neighbour in the dungeons. Catching sight of a rumpled, brown heap that bore a passing resemblance to his robes and started towards it humming softly. Pulling on the baggy, frayed material he winced as it caught on the livid bites marking his pale shoulders. They had made love and anger and frustration and many emotions last night on that worn bed.

Lupin turned and observed his equally battered, exhausted and dishevelled mate, sitting up in bed with the sheets still wrapped tight around as if fearing the moment he would have to face the chill of the wintry dungeon air on his naked body. An amusing discovery made last night suddenly popped back into Remus' mind and he grinned wolfishly. Snape peered out from his sheet at the mischievous look on his reclaimed partner's face.

"What are you leering at, Lupin/"

Lupin? He must be irksome this morning- brilliant.

"Severus?"

The potions master had stood, still wrapped in the sheet from the waist down the little prude, and was looking for his own scattered clothing. He gave no reply.

"Severus?"

"What?!"

"Do you realise you snort when you orgasm?" Remus said in the air of one informing someone their tags sticking out of their pants.

Snape straightened pulling his underpants up as he did, finally letting the sheet drop down his slim legs.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lupin."

"You did, last night, all four times you did."

Oh, how he loved getting under his lovers skin like this. Snape had many years of sharp insults and sneers to pay for. Also Remus knew he loved a good fight.

Snape looked deliciously condescending.

"I think I would be aware of it, Lupin. It is my body and my....sound." He sounded a little unsure though. "I do not snort so can we desist with such infantile insults."

Lupin watched him smugly as he pulled on his black robes, wriggling them on properly and sitting on the couch to pull on his boots. Lupin sat across the room and pulled on his own boots, ignoring the angry, questioning glances Snape kept furtively shooting him.

"What...how do you mean, snort?" He asked tentatively, s if dreading the answer.

Lupin stayed engrossed in his left lace.

"Lupin?!" Lupin hid a smile.

Finally he looked up and looking Snape directly in those dark eyes he let out a long, nasal snort, deliciously pig like.

Snape blanched.

"What rubbish." Snape attempted to sneer but his mouth was set in a look in-between anger and anxiousness.

Standing tall he marched from the room, trying to save a tiny scrap of dignity.

"Snape?"

He had his hand on the handle now. He was stupid forever going back with the disgusting mutt.

"Snape, I'm sorry, okay I was wrong."

About time, Snape though turning back relived.

"It was more like..."Lupin let out another sow-like squealing snort then fell about laughing. "Un...uncon...uncontrollably! "He spluttered, snorting himself in laughter and slipping to the floor in hysterics.

With a loud wordless growl, Snape slammed out of the room fuming.

Uncontrollably? _Uncontrollably?!_ Could that mutt be telling the truth? Good grief! The very idea! Like in Jabberwocky! No, no no!

Snape was in turmoil at breakfast, playing jerkily with his food and shooting resentful desperate looks at Lupin who was pointedly ignoring him and laughing at something with Minerva McGonagall. Oh bugger, what if the bastard had told her?! He could not bear it to be common knowledge that he, Severus Snape, snorted like a pig when he came. Oh Merlin, he would be an utter mockery.

Just as if all this in one morning wasn't enough, on his way past him to lessons, Lupin bent down, snorted softly in Snapes ear, kissed his cheek then strode out the hall.

This was shaping up to one of those 'black coffee at every break' days. And please, everything that was good and proper, make that wolf be lying. Snorty Snape. Arrrgh1


End file.
